There seems to me to be a basic difference in style between something that is intended to be an ongoing small group and that which is intended to be a larger ‘church’ entity. I am just not sure what that style difference is, but I want to harness it. Maybe it is about attitude and energy in the end. I know that it is subtle but significant. In fact I am increasingly convinced that most of what is important about church life is subtle. The last few weeks have been very hard work for me. Maintaining energy when Sunday nights are at the end of very full weeks and run straight in to the next week isn’t easy. There are few highlights and it is mostly grind. I am sustained by my pigheadedness that won’t let me give up until it either flies or crashes and burns. I’m not in the habit of walking away. Six months ago I was confident that this was the right thing to do. I have not been given any reason to believe that has changed, so I continue to act as if this is the right thing for me to be involved in.

Sunday 17 July
14 adults and 2 children tonight. I was away in New Zealand for a break. Marcus held it together.

Sunday 24 July, Sunday 31 July
My study is in such a mess that I can’t find my running sheets or newsletters from either of these Sundays so I’ll fill in the details later.

Sunday 07 August
Peter Majendie, storyteller and comic from Christchurch New Zealand led us into communion with some stories. Excellent stuff. Paul turned up with a mid sized wooden cross he had crafted for us. Very nice. He talked about it as the Call to Worship. Laid the space out with the tables in cruciform shape. Looked good. 20 adults and 2 children. Used a great Paul Kelly song ‘If I Could Start Today Again’ as prayer of confession and gave out fabric with stitching to unpick during communion. Trying to make the point that none of us can start with a truly blank slate even though God does forgive us. The stitching always leaves a trace of its prior presence.

Last night with the Oasis team from UK present. They’ve been at Urban Seed for 3 months and made a great contribution. They’ve also swelled our numbers on a Sunday evening! Reality bites now.

Sunday 14 August.
Reality Bit! Pretty much all visitors tonight. Two major Christian conferences in Melbourne this weekend saw our regulars at other places. At 5.30pm there was only one person other than the team. I was quite happy to pack up and go home early but then six others arrived! So 11 adults and 3 children made up the muster. I led far too much of the service, but others who had been arranged didn’t make it so there was little alternative. Most of what I did I did poorly. I used Lectio Divina rather than preach. I didn’t do it well. Something inside me wanted to rush through and get out of there. The service was all over the place and had little cohesion or flow. I struggled to connect within myself let alone with a small group of predominantly visitors. I seriously wondered what I was doing there (and why anyone else was) and what it was all about. I was glad to get home and watch CSI.

Mark Pierson 16 August, 2005. www.urbanseed.org
(This column also appears at www.sacramentis.com )